The Greatest Cadillac in the World does not reside in Reno, or Gainesville, or the LBC. Or even America. Or even North America. Or even the Northern Hemisphere. No, the undisputed Best Cadillac Ever Created lives in Australia, where centuries of isolation in a penal colony have given rise to an eight-wheeled, tandem-axled, double-steering 1977 Cadillac Eldorado Custom Biarritz that would be an optical illusion if it wasn’t up for auction.
The, uh, vehicle will be sold as part of Shannons 2014 Melbourne Late Summer Classic Auction, and is scheduled to cross the block on February 17th.
In 1977 the Custom Biarritz added $1,760 on top of the Eldorado’s base price of $11,187 — and all that luxury got you a padded Elk Grain Cabriolet Coupé roof with formal quarter and rear windows and opera lamps, plus Sierra Grain leather upholstery on “pillow seats.” Pillow seats! They sure look mighty comfortable. They also look like the aftermath of Tony Montana’s mansion shootout. If those seats could tell stories, this car would get a Parental Advisory
The 425 V8 produced 180 strangled horsepower in 1977. Here, it remains defiantly stock. Of course. The car, therefore, is as long and slow as Australia’s famous roo-bashing road trains. Three automatic gears control forward movement, eventually. You’ll probably never see third gear. You won’t be able to get past the inevitable crowd. The rear wheels use Holden One Tonner ute tandem axles. Yes, the car is still front wheel drive, though all four front wheels steer. See, it’s this sort of forward thinking that makes the Sbarro Function look decidedly milquetoast. It’s this taste and styling that makes The Homer by Powell Motors look blasé.
We can only assume crystalline tropane alkaloids were involved in the building of this magnificent beast. If Macklemore had driven this in “White Walls,” he’d have won even more Grammys. (Including one for “Best Shoe Size” and “Most Convincing Resemblance to Toby from The Office.”)
Ever wanted to drive an 80s frat house movie on wheels? Why yes, you might reassure yourself, that is a Jacuzzi in the back. Even with a 7-liter V8 there’s still plenty of room for a barbeque grille that slides out over, uh, the grille. A grille! How great is that? (We stared at the picture below for a good 10 minutes before realizing what the hell it was.) Six exhaust pipes hook up to the rear bumper, which presumably also double as Jacuzzi jets. Strobe lights are buried inside somewhere. A cute lil’ white CRT TV resides by the driver’s knee, perfect for distraction duties with reruns of “Dallas.”
Who knows how much the mysterious owner spent on it, but the auction description says that the car is “available at a fraction of the cost to replicate this work.” If you tried to replicate this car today, the DEA would drive to your house and sift through your trash cans. Maybe that’s why the eight-wheeled Eldorado has been appraised for somewhere around $24,000 to $32,000, chump change for something that’s the vehicular equivalent of two Elmirajs. 30k on the Caddy, now how backpack rap is that?
Enough babbling, let’s talk business. Somebody needs to buy this car, preferably back in these United States. It’s reassuring to know that this car wore its Texas plates with pride when it was first imported into Australia in the 1980s. Texas, of course. Maybe now it’s time for a homecoming.
Who says the Australian car industry is dead? This baby represents the greatest Australian export since Vegemite and the Chevy SS.
