Reflecting on the past, Julian, a first-time father from Sydney, shares that among his triplets, Louis was the most active.
"He was like my little squiggly jelly bean. I would poke my finger at his mom's tummy, and he would wriggle around. He was the one who moved the most," recalls Julian.
One of their triplets had no heartbeat. However, during Catherine's 30-week scan, a devastating discovery was made – baby Louis had no heartbeat.
Amidst COVID restrictions that prevented Julian from being physically present to comfort his partner, he received the heart-wrenching news through a video call that baby Louis had passed away.
"I was completely and utterly devastated," he says. "It was frustrating, as there is always the dialogue that the father should be an equal partner – to be there for every step of the journey."
The medical professionals shared with the grieving couple that there had been a fetal-maternal hemorrhage, resulting in Louis losing his blood supply. After careful discussions with the medical team, they considered the risks involved in early delivery versus Catherine continuing the pregnancy. Ultimately, they decided that the safer option was for Catherine to carry Louis alongside his brothers.
Julian recalls that the initial days and weeks after the loss were incredibly challenging, but he knew that even greater difficulties lay ahead. "I had to gather my strength and prepare myself for the delivery," he shares. "In addition to the emotional turmoil, there were also various paperwork and preparations that needed to be attended to."
A few weeks later, Catherine was admitted to the hospital due to signs of preeclampsia, and the doctors wanted to closely monitor the progress of her pregnancy.
"During the examinations, the doctors were checking and assessing everything, and the following morning, Catherine's water broke," Julian recalls.
Two days later, at 34 weeks, Catherine went into active labor. "The doctor gently patted Theodore (Teddy), the firstborn, on his head, indicating that he was ready to enter the world," Julian shares.
Baby Louis was born next, and a profound silence filled the room. Then, as Oscar, the last triplet, made his way into the world, he let out a cry. "Catherine mentioned that when Louis was born, he was between his two brothers, symbolizing their solidarity," comments Julian.
A midwife from the multiple birth association stepped in to take Louis immediately for a brief time to prepare him to meet his parents.
“She was a familiar face so that made it a bit easier,” says Julian. Minutes later, he got his first look at his son. “
Louis looked beautiful and so peaceful,” he says.
Catherine had emergency surgery
While the boys were delivered, another crisis was unfolding. Catherine was going in and out of consciousness – she was losing blood. “She was in surgery for a while – they had to stabilise her,” says Julian.
Teddy and Oscar were whisked off to the NICU.
“I went down there and was booted out because I hadn’t had a COVID test even though I asked so many times if I needed to,” says Julian. “Then I had to isolate until the results came back – it was all so surreal.”
With Catherine still in surgery, Julian went to see Louis. Julian says having that special time with his beautiful baby did help him through the grief of losing him. “It was so peaceful and heartbreaking at the same time,” he says.
Due to surgical complications, Catherine didn’t get a further chance to see or hold Louis.
“It’s something she will always regret,” says Julian.
Doctors needed to give Catherine more blood the following day, due to massive blood loss.
“She’s a pretty tough little cookie – she casually called me to say it had been a medical emergency. We live right near the hospital, I was in the car probably doing slightly more than the speed limit racing over there,” says Julian.
The boys were born on December 12, and on January 4, they were able to go home. As the days and weeks followed, Julian found himself immersed in the grief of losing his son.
“It was a roller coaster,” he says. “The day the triplets were born is probably the happiest and the saddest of my life – it’s bittersweet.”
Grief and honouring their boy
At Louis’s funeral, they released butterflies, watching them soar upwards was a beautiful sight. “Now when we see a butterfly, we tell the boys that reminds us of Louis,” comments Julian
Julian and Catherine both feel strongly that baby Louis will be remembered – he is still part of their family. “We want to talk about him, we want his brothers to understand that,” he says. “We say goodnight to Louis every night.”
Teddy and Oscar are now 15-months-old. Julian says, looking back when they were just two days old, one nurse in NICU got a pretty good read on them.
“This one is pretty chilled (she was talking about Teddy we didn’t have names for them yet), and the other one, he’s going to be a little firecracker,” he says.
These days they are both full of life and mischief. “They’re almost toddling around and into everything,” says Julian. “They love to eat the dirt in the pot plant and give the TV screen a punch every now and then.”
These days when Julian takes the boys for a walk in the pram people will often stop and say, “twins?” Julian lets them know they are triplets. “People often shut down completely, they don’t want to talk, some say they are sorry to hear that,” he says.
The love and support the couple share is what pulled them through the darkest of days. “We were really committed to being there for each other,” he says.
Their journey through grief has brought the couple even closer together. “It definitely has in some ways,” says Julian.
Source: malise. us
