Disclaimer: This story contains details of child abuse that may be upsetting to some.
The Horrific Incident
“Eli was born neurotypical. At 5 months old he sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) due to Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) at the hands of his babysitter, who was a family friend.
Yes, we knew her.
I was at work and received a phone call saying, ‘Eli is asleep but kicking his feet and won’t wake up!’ I called the ambulance since the sitter had not and left work immediately. I called my mom who was an LPN and told her to meet me at the hospital.
I called my (then) husband and had him head to the hospital while I went to the sitter’s house to meet the ambulance. I called my sister to also meet me there and get my older son from the sitter so he wouldn’t be afraid.
I was petrified by what she told me, but totally confused. He had been fine just a few hours before. He was a little cranky from teething, but I told her to call me if he was super cranky and I would come pick him up.
Courtesy of Tiffany Clark
When I got to the house the ambulance had just arrived. Eli was not only kicking his feet but in actuality, was seizing with his eyes rolled back in his head. The EMT made a comment I’ll never forget.
‘I’ve never seen anything like this. I have no idea what is going on.’
It did not give me any confidence in their abilities as I climbed into the ambulance with my son.
He was taken via ambulance for continuous seizures to our local hospital which was not equipped to deal with the severity of his injury in a child so small. He was life-flighted to our local children’s hospital. It was terrifying.
Eli coded twice on the flight and went immediately into a 9-hour brain surgery to treat him for a subdural hematoma on the left side of his brain. He had a craniotomy, which is where they remove part of the skull to relieve pressure and they cleared out the blood that was building up.
He was placed in a drug-induced coma to help with seizure activity and to help keep him calm while the swelling and fluids went down. At this time, he had two shunts to help with swelling and fluids.
The Truth Is Revealed
After his surgery, we were told to call all of our family in to say goodbye, because his chances of survival were very slim. Shortly thereafter, police from our hometown also showed up to question us.
‘The doctors have ruled his injury as abuse.’ What? I was in shock.
Our entire family (parents, step-parents, aunts, and some of my siblings) were with us for the weekend. The babysitter was actually also present because until the police showed up, they had not mentioned the words, ‘child abuse’ to us. We were floored.
The fact anyone could think we had hurt our son was devastating. It had taken us over a year to get pregnant with our first son due to previous health problems. We were told we would never have another one, so when I got pregnant with Eli it was a wonderful shock…and now someone was suggesting we had hurt him.
The babysitter had left to go shower or eat (I can’t recall) and my dad said, ‘DO NOT come back,’ because we knew it had not been myself or my husband who had hurt Eli.
We knew he was fine when we left him that morning. And my cousin, whose child was kept by the same lady, saw him that morning and knew he was fine.
Complications Following Shaken Baby Syndrome
For 6 weeks he was kept in a drug-induced coma. During this time he went septic due to a duodenal perforation. They are honestly not sure if the tear was due to physical trauma by the babysitter or if it was sustained during life-saving efforts while on the life flight.
They had to repair the perforation 5 different times because each time they sewed him back up, it would rupture again due to swelling and infection. The final time they left his abdomen open, placed a mesh barrier, and put a wound vacuum on it to remove infection and promote healing from the inside.
We felt so many emotions while Eli was in a coma. We were exhausted, I was separated from Evan for the very first time, and my husband had to go back to work so we could pay our bills. My family rotated staying with me so I was never alone.
My mom and my stepmom would stay with me while my mother-in-law and sister would watch Evan. We had my daddy, who is a pastor, as well as my mom’s pastor and former pastor come in with prayers for Eli.
He was put on so many prayer lists, our local churches got together and had a benefit for our family to help cover losing my income. During those 6 weeks time, a gastrostomy tube was also placed due to his neurological status and their doubt he would recover and have the cognitive ability to eat on his own.
It was crushing.
Once Eli was brought out of the coma we were told he would only ever be in a vegetative state and that he would have a very limited life span. They recommended institutionalization at that point.
‘Put him somewhere to avoid the burden he will be.’ And they actually went as far as to get him a spot in a facility without even asking first.
I was livid, and at the same time heartbroken. I asked them if this was really the way that they prepared people to take their children home?? Tell them it’s hard and they can’t do it?!
Obviously, I declined that option. I was a very young mother at that point (21), and medically ignorant. But that did not dissuade me from telling them, ‘We will be taking Eli home, and we will give him the very best quality of life we can for whatever time he has.’
Courtesy of Tiffany Clark
I was terrified. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I screwed up and Eli paid the price? How would it affect Evan? How would it affect my marriage?
How would we balance life, his care, work, and another child?? I had to leave my job because Eli needs around-the-clock care. He had so many appointments and we had to travel for all of them.
It did end up affecting Evan profoundly. But I don’t think any of it was in a negative way. He was very concerned and very involved with Eli from the beginning. He wanted to be a part of everything.
My marriage did end, we went through a very traumatic occurrence and sadly marriages often fail in the wake of trauma. I was so wrapped up in taking care of my children and Eli’s medical needs, I didn’t have time for anything else, let alone him.
Courtesy of Tiffany Clark Conquering Challenges
We began seeing a variety of specialists at the hospital and traveled several times a month. One of the major issues that has always been a problem is seizure activity.
Eli has several different types of seizures (absence, focal, myoclonic, atonic, and tonic clonic). He also has what his doctors refer to as ‘neuro storms’ which are basically static activity all over his brain.
